I feel like I'm being controlled at my bible study group?

I go to a local bible study group (just a very small group of 6-7 attendees) . When I say I go, I go along ad hoc, when I feel I like to. No obligation. On the weeks I don't feel like going/unable to attend due to committments, I phone the 'leader' of the group and just say I won't be there out of courtesy. My friend said I shouldn't phone, as I don't need to explain myself to anyone. I've taken her advice and decided not to phone the leader. I missed 1 bible class and instead decided to go to the leaders house on another afternoon just to see how she was. She said to me," I thought you might have been on holiday again, as you didn't come round". I said, "No, I just wasn't able to last week. I've just had a lovely ride on my bike, as the weather's wonderful today though". She then said, "Is that why you didn't come last week because of your bike riding?" I really didn't want to get into an anrgument and left it there, but now I feel 'obligated' to go

I feel like I'm being controlled at my bible study group?
Dont be afraid, or intimidated, and definately don't feel obligated. That is not what a Bible study gruop is for, definately not a Bible Study Group that is drop-in. Just try to ignore the 'leader' if you dare call him that. Good Luck.





P.S. Listen to Don, he's good.
Reply:You aren't obligated to go, and you don't have to phone her. If she brings it up again, put her on the spot and ask her straight up, "Is that okay, if I'm not there every week, or is the group more for people who will be there every week?" No matter which way she answers, you win.
Reply:When people are compelled to use guilt to motivate others, it shows the weakness of their belief. I say leave the group.





How could someone so damaged help you? Next you will be accused of riding your bike strait to hell.





Primoa and I agree on this one...
Reply:I run a bible study out of my house as well.


None of our attendees ever feel pressured to come at all.





Your leader has chosen a bad approach.





Bible study time should be enjoyable %26amp; fulfilling. Not pressure-packed. No one should ever feel obligated to absolutely make it every single week.





That's just wrong
Reply:These people are often control freaks.





Guilt is the weapon that they try to use against you.





I went to a similar group a few years back and the group leader was the same way. He would start the class by asking people who had missed the last class or come in late what they had to do that was more important.





One fellow looked at him and said I don't need your guilt trip, find someone who is interested in it to give it to.





It got very quiet to say the least, but he never tried to guilt trip that guy again.





Don't let anyone manipulate you, it is your life.





Love and blessings Don
Reply:You don't owe anyone anything. If you don't want to go, then don't go and don't let ANYONE make you feel guilty for it.





Riding a bike, or doing anything that you enjoy, can bring as much joy and peace to your life as any bible study group.





Those people in that group don't know any more about god than you do, remember that.
Reply:yeah, i know what you mean about these voluntary Christian things! i've lost count of the times i've been chased up because i've missed something. so many Christians see committment as joining everything going %26amp; earning gold stars for regular attendance! they don't seem to recognise quiet reflection or a life outside the church. it's so sad really. i can understand why your friend suggested not phoning, but you're a polite, well-mannered person %26amp; i think for your own peace of mind, you should. just don't make excuses when you do! diane.
Reply:Your leaders should not force you to come- doing a bible study needs to come from your heart- however, I do think especially if your group is so small, that it would be nice to call and let her know- that just shows common courtesy to the person who opens her home every week for the study- if you are not growing spiritually in this group, maybe you need to find another one. As a Christian we need to be studying His word- and a bible study with others is a great way to do it.
Reply:Things happen, you have a life. Find another group. However, when you look at religion throughout history, it has always been about control of the followers. Keep that in mind with your future endeavours.





Rev. Neil
Reply:In some bible study formats you get a bit out of perspective if you miss a bit. I think you should have a straight talk with the group that YAHOSHUA is to be the leader of each.
Reply:before long those in your Bible group will begin to asses whether you are showing enough Faith and will begin to judge you and what you say, how you say it, what you are wearing, doing, thinking, feeling, all with that "LOOK"


Been there put up with that.





enjoy your faith and don't give to others the power of Intimidation to control you with fear.





The hinges on the gates to Heaven are greased with fear and money


I should probably say greased with guilt and money
Reply:I think that group leader is a bit too much. We're just launching a new online group so feel free to join if its not your cup of tea no biggy. :-)





http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Episcopals
Reply:Gee, there is a shock....a group trying to guilt another into doing what "they" think the person should be doing...





What a shock...
Reply:Ringing is just a courtesy, so that people who were expecting you did not have to wait. BTW, since you have been going, people might (or might not) worry about you. It is not a policed activity, but simply letting people know. When is your last time called your mum or dad? Did you feel you have to explain yourself?





However, I think people have their freedom to do whatever they want in their time. So, I think your leader was trying to make you feel bad about not going. If you don't feel like to go, then don't go, what are they going to do? drag you?
Reply:I have two opinions on the matter. Please take both with a grain of salt.





First, a "drop-in" Bible study group should be just that. No one should make you feel guilty for not attending or for not showing up. Some days we feel closest to God spending time in nature, as you enjoyed the weather on your bike.





Secondly, maybe the leader of the group is hoping to make this more of a small group than a drop in Bible study. Maybe, she was hoping that all of you would be friends and would unite together as a small community, watching out for one another in love. Her feelings were probably hurt that you didn't show up (rather than being "indignant" about it).





Think of it this way. She values your presence. You sound like an awesome person who probably adds a completely different dimension to the Bible study. It's likely that it was kind of boring without you. You seem wonderful -- you even went to visit the leader when you missed a class. I know she appreciated that a lot.





You're in control. You live a wonderful life. Spread your cheer to this group without feel obligated. If you feel obligated, then you're not treating this engagement as a group of friends coming to talk God. That's all it is, isn't it? Friendly faces opening the Word of God.





God bless!
Reply:she fears, that if you drop out, then others will follow. she manipulates you and that points to her insecurity.what will happen, if others will follow your -,,bad,,- example?maybe, she cannot say, after all decide to leave HER class, that she cannot talk about her self as holier than thy anymore.
Reply:Group dynamics are different with every group-- some like to be more formal, some more casual.





If you want to stay w/this group, I'd be honest w/the leader (or maybe just speak up to the entire group itself) and say you would like to come sometimes, but if other plans come up you won't make it... does anyone mind if you come sporadically?





For some people, regular attendance is a stickler issue.





If anyone has a problem with irregular attendance, you might wish to respect the groups wishes.





If they're okay with irregular attendance, ask the leader or group at large if people prefer you phone ahead and let them know so they don't wait for you... it might be considered a courtesy issue with them, just the group's way, and have nothing to do with you. If you wanna play with the group you go by the group "rules"or "ways" basically.
Reply:Poopsy the ball is in your court.Try to have a little thicker skin.Well try not to take things so personally.Maybe she is just concerned about you and just asking to see how you are. No unless you tell her you are gonna be there,you shouldn't have to report in. But if she is expecting you then maybe out of being polite call her and let her know you can't make it.
Reply:wrong class for you.....that leader needs to stop leading......he or she probably has been leading for years.........you get the dictator effect when you do that. my opinion, is after about two years leading a class or study, it is time to step down. go to someone else's class for at least a year and then start a new one. most classes are pretty luke warm after two years anyway........that leader is why i left the baptist church and went methodist. they seem to have more love and understanding.....probably too liberal if i was on the west coast though......
Reply:Yes; your feelings are your feelings. Another articulation of your feelings might be due to the leader's intrusion into your personal life beyond leading the bible study.
Reply:The primary reason for Religion is control,so why would you be surprised that the Babble study group leader was trying to control you? Control is the point,get used to it or get out.





Obama666
Reply:the reason you feel that way is beacuse you are the christians have started the brainwashing process your doomed.





BB
Reply:I believe the best way to work with people is to compromise with them. Calling your Bible study group is just a matter of respect and responsibility. If I told someone I would attend X event; realized I couldn't make it - informing them is just plain etiquette. Also, working out what she/he expects from you, and doing what you both agreed about is another option.





However, expecting participation against your will is not a good approach or reasonable.
Reply:If you feel obligated to attend because of pressure from the group it not really your choice anymore.
Reply:The leader should respect your free will exactly the way God does...............You are free to attend or not and you shouldn't be obligated to call.





Sometimes, though, a call is a good courtesy for a group that may be waiting for you before they begin.





I dropped a Bible study completely once because of the leader............I hated too but she was trying to get way too involved in my life.





Just pray about the correct response for this leader (we don't know her or her motives) and do as the Spirit of God leads.
Reply:Um.. newsflash! What you feel is what it is, lady. You are being manipulated.